Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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