During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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