Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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