I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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