I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
