you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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