Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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