I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
