I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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