We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
