I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
