I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
