haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
