Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
