Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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