At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
