I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
