My liver just broke up with me...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
