i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
