Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
