So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize