Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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