Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
