I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
