bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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