I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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