Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
When are your genitals available?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
