The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize