so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
