So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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