The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
