Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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