This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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