I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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