Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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