Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
