Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
