Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
