Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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