You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
