i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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