how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Best friends brother. Beat that.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
