Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
