There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
drinking out of a sandbucket again
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
