I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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