I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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