hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
