My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
