it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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