woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
