She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
