Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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