Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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