i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
