bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
