he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
