I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
