I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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