my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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