omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
