A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
