Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
