I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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