Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
