im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
