Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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